First Week (Or second because of orientation) of School

Social life is difficult. Integrating oneself into a new environment involves meeting the systems and communities within and learning how to interact with them is taught to be a second nature for humans, yet for some reason I’ve always found it to be difficult. As I transferred to a new school, I decided that maybe it the time arrived where I should redesign myself to not be as scared of this. Beginning with the first day of move-in, it went pretty well. I made a few friends with people on my floor, hung out with some old friends, got out to explore the city.

These were things I missed about being at school from my previous year of school. The hustle of the city, the somewhat claustrophobic atmosphere that is difficult to breath yet clean and steady, the beige washed layers of brick on almost every building built before the 2000s. All of these factors culminate together to brand the image of the city I had grown to consider my second home, a place to find myself for the first time.

Yes again, I find myself struggling to open up to others in a way that is healthy for both myself the opposite party. I know I should not hide who I am, it will only cause me more harm further down the line than being honest would. Part of me is recovering from recent traumas still, wounds which no matter how much I treat them refuse to close. The simple concept of being honest with who you are can be a dangerous one, even if you choose to share it only with those you wish to, since people talk no matter how much you trust them.

That’s all I got for now, signing off.

Keep it golden,


A New Horizon

If you’ve stumbled upon this post, welcome to my blog. My name is Josh, I’ve had a few of these before under varying pseudonyms for their varying reasons, but I want to structure one tailored to regurgitating the conflicts that arise in my personal life and how I irrationally attempt to deal with them. Previous sites and posts ranged from one centered on poetry (I know, but I swear I was not on Tumblr), one that focused on short stories to tell the tale of solving a health struggle, and one that retold stories of voices that the general public would rather not hear. While I do still manage two of them, I suppose a good first theme for the blog would be to elaborate on why I decided to start this one up.

I write quite extensively, one quote from a professor back in high school, “I kind of stopped reading after the second page because I only asked for two, not the ten you turned in.” Humble bragger, self-proclaimed. It reminds me somewhat of that odd paradox that most public schools have when it comes to modern generations of students in that they are often labeled as “lazy” or “unmotivated”, but when they choose to exceed or push their drive they are reigned back in. While my example does suffer from the fact that I went full overachiever, it does exist in many forms of anecdotal evidence in contemporary culture.

So I guess this is where I suffer from when it comes to my own perception of my own writer’s block. Many people will depict me as a “last-minute writer” but there are many factors that play into this, ranging from self-confidence in my ability to suffuse information and research through a paper, all the way to true professional laziness (I did include that in my resume!). My writer’s block tends to stem from wanting to write almost too much, leaving my with an inability to start any projects or finish the ones I began. Of course, this can be chalked up to a horrific creative process, poorly structured workflow, etc., etc.. From my own view, I just think that I forget what I’ve done too often, which could be plausible as I do suffer from a minor case of short term memory loss. To not devolve into too long of a tangent, I think I’ll reserve this for its own dedicated post.

This blog will hopefully shed some light into the hopeless rambling that if you find yourself the uncanny audience member of in real life, could potentially elaborate or potentially deepen the mental dystopia that is my thought process. I’ll talk on anything and everything, so long as I do not get too bored, so feel free to ask questions as they arise, I promise no conclusive answers or rational thought process however.

To the journey ahead, may we find a path which crosses both our own

~ Josh 4/3